What I Wish I Knew at 17: You Are Not Your Parents’ Expectations

Who Are You Supposed to Be?

From the moment we’re born, people have expectations for us.

Our parents, our teachers, our communities—all of them have a vision for who we should become.

The successful career. The responsible adult. The life that fits neatly into what they know.

But what happens when their expectations don’t match who we really are?

At 17, I struggled with that question a lot.

The Name I Didn’t Know I Had

Most people know me as M.G. But what they don’t know is M.G. stands for something.

I didn’t even know it myself—not until my first day of kindergarten.

See, I’m a junior, named after a father I never knew.

My biological father and my mother divorced when I was very young, and I grew up without knowing him.

And that name? It felt like a mystery. A weight. Something that belonged to a stranger—an alcoholic who abandoned his family.

I didn’t know my father. I didn’t know his story. And I didn’t know what that name was supposed to mean for me.

Expectations vs. Identity

By the time I was in my late teens, I was struggling to find my place.

I watched my parents—my stepfather, a maintenance manager of multiple hospitals, and my mother, a registered nurse.

They were successful, steady, and had built good lives.

And I wondered: Was I supposed to follow in their footsteps?

Was I meant to be like them—or like the man I didn’t even know?

I wanted to understand who I was supposed to be.

Nothing Is Predestined

I eventually met my biological father. That’s a story for another time.

But what I learned from that meeting changed everything.

I realized:
👉 We do not have to be what we are genetically predisposed to be.
👉 We do not have to follow the same path as our parents.
👉 Our identity is not written in stone—it’s ours to create.

For years, I carried a name I didn’t understand.

And for years, I felt trapped by the idea that I had to live up to something—whether it was my parents’ success or my father’s absence.

But the truth? I am neither of them.

I am me.

The Truth About Parents’ Expectations

It’s easy to think that our parents are trying to control us. That they’re pushing us in a direction we don’t want.

But the reality? They’re doing the best they can with what they know.

Most parents aren’t trying to trap us—they’re trying to protect us.

They want us to succeed because they’re afraid we’ll struggle. They want us to follow their advice because that’s what worked for them.

But times change. People change. And sometimes, we have to find our own path.

What I Wish I Knew Then

If I could go back and talk to 17-year-old me, I’d tell him this:

👉 You are not your parents’ expectations.
👉 You are not defined by the name you were given.
👉 You have the power to decide who you become.

Your parents’ advice? Listen to it. Their experiences? Learn from them.

At the end of the day? Your life is yours to shape, not theirs to decide.

Stay curious. Stay human. And always, be kind.

Where This Series Goes Next

🔹 This post is the third in my “What I Wish I Knew at 17” series—a look back at the lessons I wish someone had told me when I was younger.

📝 Upcoming Posts in the Series:

🔹 Not Everyone’s Going to Like You—And That’s Okay (Letting go of people-pleasing & embracing your own path.)
🔹 You Are Not Broken—Even If You Feel Like It (Mental health, self-doubt, and learning to trust yourself.)

Stay tuned for the next post, and if this resonates with you, Join the conversation—follow me on Socials or check out more posts.